A difficult woman. - Why I Left My Job

A difficult woman: Some days it’s challenging to swim against the current. Some days the waves of tantrum after tantrum are too heavy.

ThisIsHerThree

“I pray for the man who marries you some day,” I mutter under my breath as I witness yet another episode of my 3-year-old daughter kicking and screaming over having to eat the bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios that she had asked to eat with such glee and excitement just 15 minutes ago. I have been awake for less than an hour and already the waves have formed and I can see them rolling in—one after another– far off in the distance.

I take a deep breath and channel my inner Bob Marley. “Rise up this mornin’, smiled with the risin’ sun,” I gently sing while making my coffee.

“Noooooo!” My daughter screams back at me. I continue singing as I wrap both hands around my warm cup of freshly brewed coffee. “Don’t worry about a thing, ‘Cause every little thing gonna be all right.”

“STOP SINGING, MOMMY!” My daughter shouts as she forces her body to slide from her chair to the floor.

My hands grip my cup of coffee tighter. This is just the beginning; the first wave of water brushes sand over my clean, dry feet. Within another 15 minutes, my daughter will calm down and she will let me wipe the tears off of her face. We will hug, she will smile, and she will giggle after her first bite of breakfast saying, “Mmmmmm. I love Honey Nut Cheerios, mommy!”

This is just the beginning, though. The waves are coming; I can see them getting higher. Let’s see how well I can swim against the current today.

***

These waves are heavy as they crash against my body. I try to plant my feet in the sand and stand strong in the rip current. But some days I lose my footing, and the water carries me farther from shore. The water carries me farther from you.

Oh, child. I love you with all of my heart, but these waves flood my mind from time to time. These waves make simple things so difficult. And I begin to only see the difficulties these waves bring. I begin to focus so intently on keeping my head above water, and I forget that you are trying to swim, too. The waves are crashing against you, too.

***

“Are you approaching your relationships with love?” Our pastor asks during his sermon this morning. I glance at you, and you are coloring quietly. You look up at me, smile, and point to what you are working on. The waves begin to recede.

Have I forgotten how to approach these waves with love in my heart? Am I letting the waves pull my love under the current? When you change your mind, and refuse to get dressed, and cry because I put your shoes on wrong, do you feel my love receding with these waves? Do you see that I love you? Or do you see the waves, too?

I glance at you again, and you look so calm coloring. Love floods my heart, and I feel the weight of the water pull away from my body.

I lift my feet out of the wet sand, one at a time, and I rinse them off in the calm water. Perhaps you are not the difficult one, my child. Perhaps I’ve been the difficult woman all along.

ThisIsMotherAndDaughter

 

1 Comment
  • Kristy says:

    Oh yes, a young female with a mind of her own for sure! But what makes her different than most females. Love the story! What a cutie!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Scary Mommy
I'm Published by Mamalode!
  • I was nervous all week for today, but I’m feeling pretty fearless in this moment now. I passed my first color belt test and earned my orange belt today 😁 #orangebelt #taekwondo #ninjainthemaking #taekwondofamily
  • This little lady got her first haircut today! Thanks @teasesalonstpaul for making it a great experience for her (and mama too) 😁
#firsthaircut #toddlerhairstyles #toddlermom
  • My copy of Rise and Shine by @araelizabethart arrived in the mail this morning. This book is beautiful in every single way. If you are looking for a special gift this holiday, or for other celebrations like new babies and birthdays, I highly recommend this book. Beautiful words. Beautiful illustrations. And a beautiful message to our children. It is truly lovely. 💛💛💛
  • Want to know why I hate the Elf on the Shelf? You can find the link in my profile to my latest blog post in which I share a few of my thoughts on this whole Elf on the Shelf craze. #parenthood #elfontheshelf #nomorenonsense
  • I’ve got a few things to say about the Elf on the Shelf. I’m really fired up this morning and I hope I find the determination at the end of today to finally write something new on the blog. I actually didn’t get the elves out until today. I’ve been having an internal debate about what to do with these guys. There is so much judgment being spewed all over social media about the elves. It’s disgusting. But this morning I thought, “Screw it!” I’m getting the elves out, I’m going to have fun with my kids, and I’m going to write a long ass blog post for all you haters and lovers. So watch out, I’ve got some words to share 🤔 And by the way, you should have seen how excited the kids were to discover the elves had returned today. Literally jumping up and down! Yeah, that made the whole morning awesome 😎. #elfontheshelf #mommyblogger #nomoretrollsplease
  • This little one enjoyed helping with decorating the tree this year 😍.
  • Time to trim the tree 🎄.
  • We found a keeper! 🎄
  • This little lady had a lot to explore at the tree farm this year! #christmastreehunting #christmasiscoming
%d bloggers like this: